I played this game last night because I was bored of doing work and wanted to play one last game before the next semester began. I was not prepared at all for this game to grab me the way it did.

I'm gonna talk about how I felt over the whole thing, so be prepared for spoilers. I highly recommended you play this visual novel yourself. Its only about 6hrs and its free on steam and itch.io.

My favorite pieces of art are the ones that are most vulnerable. Perhaps this game was one of them; I felt so much humanity put into this it. So I should reciprocate I think. I'll talk about what I really felt. Maybe it'll be a bit ugly, but thats okay. I also don't want to forget any of the thoughts I am having now.

This game kind of threw me for a loop at the very beginning. I was a little confused when our main character, Asya Shubina, started throwing out these big generalizations and metaphors, but I soon realized this is just kind of part of who she is, regardless if she's right or wrong. And then I realized this is something I would do: make these pseudophilosophical structures in which I base my worldview on, being brought to life by emotional urges and only sustained by getting carried away with metaphors. She gave this big speech about the sun and the universe and perspectives and sentience and it felt like my deal with souls and cockroaches and beauty. So immediately I became pretty invested in this character.

Soon after Asya has this internal debate on whether she should tell what she knows to the police, and it actually spooked me a little how similar this was to my internal monologue. I mean, not the topic, but the voice is the same. I run back and forth through my own mind, constantly debating and giving motivations and explanations until my head burns up or I reach a conclusion.

And I kept seeing similarity after similarity — the way Asya just attaches to people, the way she comes up with revelations from unrelated topics, the way she theorizes about tiny details — and I grew to love this character so much.

Of course, there are many differences between us. Asya is much more devoted to her beliefs than I am. She is much kinder to those around her and truly believes in the good in people. Or something like that. So I think its more accurate to say that Asya is what a version of myself could have become.

There's also this deep self-loathing that Asya has that I also had to deal with at some point. This might actually be the main theme of the game.

The very reason Asya has this intense love of everything in the world is because of the incident that happened in 5th grade. It left a hole in her chest, one that she tried to fill with love and wonderful things. Unfortunately she did this by elevating everything above herself.

"But what I failed to realise was that this median value, this idea of “average”... It was so far above me, so unreachably high, that the idea of me labelling anything as unremarkable became laughably brazen."

She never realized it, but no matter how much she loved the things around her — no matter how much she cared, she forgave, she understood — she would never completely fill that hole. Because it all depended on her own sacrifice.

Сырая чёрная земля,

Не обнимай меня так нежно,

Не рви наряд свой белоснежный,

И спи спокойно. Только я

Буду царапаться и биться,

А иней пусть себе искрится,

И пусть летят по небу птицы,

И светит бледная заря.

O damp black earth,

Do not hold me so tenderly,

Do not tear your snow-white attire,

And sleep peacefully.

I will scratch and I will beat,

But frost will still glimmer,

And birds will still fly across the sky,

And a pale dawn will still shine.

I think because she cast herself away like this, she became an easy target for bullying in her class. So she fell further and further, until she saw a glimmer of hope in Ira. Ira became her shining knight, her shield, (her love???). And Marina became someone she could talk to, someone to bring her out of her shell. Even Vadim was someone she could stand up to. There were ups and downs, but they all helped her bargain, stand up to, and truly love the Universe in its full — including herself.

I think thats who Tosya was. Tosya was her first savior in that incident in 5th grade. But it was really her own mind who created Tosya in the first place. Her will to survive was so great it distorted the world, bringing Tosya to life. And when Tosya reappeared she came in the form of Ira, Marina, and Vadim combined. They were her next saviors.

One Asya and Tosya ascended the tower to give her ultimate expression of gratitude to the Universe, Tosya appeared in a new form, as "Girl". But it was really her own reflection. Her final message was to herself.

.-.- - . -... .-.- .-.. ..-- -... .-.. ..--
.-.- - . -... .-.- .-.. ..-- -... .-.. ..--
.-.- - . -... .-.- .-.. ..-- -... .-.. ..--

[ Я ТЕБЯ ЛЮБЛЮ. Я ТЕБЯ ЛЮБЛЮ. Я ТЕБЯ ЛЮБЛЮ. ]

[ I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. ]

I had a similar journey a long time ago. Though I had my own set of problems, and my own solutions. So it really made my glad when Asya got a happy ending before she disappeared.

Some other things I loved about this game:

• Despite the soundtrack being royalty free music from online, it was really good.
• There was that whole business with the bird. Marina mention towards the end that "We shouldn't know a bird is 3223412 despair, 6233322 distortion and 2311444 denial." Throughout the game, birds are flying past the window whenever there is a distortion, or when Asya is experiencing despair and denial.
• The art in this game is just phenomenal.
• They got me to hate Vadim a lot. Nice job. I want to throw a brick at his head.
• The poetry got me thinking of when I used to write shitty poetry^[1]. Hopefully one day I'll write shitty poetry again.

I might come back to this review later. So keep an eye out!